Mixed.

It's a pity how much time I spend with doing nothing instead of keeping this blog fresh.

So, for a little impression of what I've done this weekend, I got this picture of the day today:

On Saturday, I went to a pub with two friends of mine and we watched a band called "Tüdelband", drank a cocktail and went dancing in the Pumpe afterwards.
And yesterday I was on the biggest middle ages market in Schleswig - Holstein with my brother, his girlfriend and a friend of mine which was nice as well.
Today I spent some time with my family and some time with my rats which was nice too.

I have mixed feelings concerning the return of my boyfriend. On the one hand I'm really looking forward meeting him again and I am pretty happy to not be alone anymore. But on the other hand I'm enjoying my freedom a little too much at the moment which means I enjoy the feeling of not having to tell anyone what I do at a certain time and I don't have to consider anyone else by planning things.
These thoughts make me kind of sad. It's like it was back then with Andy, I use my brain for judging over my relationship and try to ignore what my heart's telling me.

About my rats, to switch back to the main topic of this blog, they are alive and well. Sam ate an entire egg all alone, so I guess he will be the one who can be rolled soon. Rumo and Johnny are pretty shy, the other two boys came snuggling with me today, it's a little bit sad but tolerable.

Tomorrow I've got to work again and I don't want to. But as soon as I'm there, everything will be fine. It's just stressing at the beginning of the week. But I only have to start at 11 AM, so I have plenty of time to sleep and have breakfast, maybe even coffee before I go there. Sounds great, hu?

Wow, tonight is a night I'd like to cut my head off to stop thinking or to get rid of my heart so it stops speaking to me over and over again. Feel kind of heartbroken.

I don't understand myself. And 'til Thursday, everything will already be forgotten so I can't tell my therapist. Damn.