Time to say goodbye..

Rumo,

als du zu mir gekommen bist, hattest du eine 13stündige Autofahrt hinter dir und eine Vergesellschaftung vor dir..

Und du warst noch so klein, dein Bruder und du, ihr habt auf eine Handfläche gepasst.

Ich habe euch vor dem Leben im Tierheim bewahrt und dich sehr verwöhnt.

Du warst immer der Mutigste, deshalb heißt du auch Rumo, wie die Romanfigur von Walter Moers.

Deine Lieblingsbeschäftigung war, überall hochzuklettern. Am liebsten da, wo du es nicht solltest, wie in Bücherregalen und ähnlichem.

Wir haben nie den Draht zueinander gefunden, den ich mit Sam und Max habe..

Aber ich hab dich immer sehr lieb gehabt.

Gerade weil du so gerne geklettert bist, hat es mir sehr weh getan zu sehen, wie du immer weniger so konntest, wie du wolltest..

Es fing damit an, dass du von Rampen abgerutscht bist und dir die Fortbewegung im Käfig immer schwerer fiel.

Ich hab dann alles für dich behindertengerecht gebaut, die Rampen waren breiter und viel weniger steil und einige Wochen ging es dann auch besser.

Aber irgendwann konntest du dann nicht mehr.

Die Medizin hat dafür gesorgt, dass du viele Gramm abgenommen hast und nur noch Haut und Knochen warst, trotz Käse, Mais, Fruchtzwerg..

Seit einigen Wochen schon wohnst du nur noch ganz unten und deine Artgenossen fürchten sich vor dir und kommen nur, um dir ab und zu mal was von deinem Essen zu klauen. Und du randalierst, weil du dich alleine fühlst und langweilst, aber du kamst noch immer in den Auslauf und hast rumlaufen wollen..

Und nun, zum Schluss, ist auch dein linkes Vorderbeinchen gelähmt und du kannst nur noch auf der Seite liegen.

Mein Herz weint, aber mein Verstand sagt mir, dass es das richtige ist.

Auf der anderen Seite der Brücke warten Mais, Käse und Fruchtzwerg in rauen Mengen auf dich.

Und du wirst wieder toben können. Und klettern.

Komm gut rüber, mein Schatz. Du wirst immer in meinem Herzen sein.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

So, I got one reader :)

Hello Monika, nice to know you're still reading *winks*
So I guess I have to keep up writing this countdown thing so you're able to learn more about me and to make me remember this year - which I don't, only in some flashes.

day 10: 4 happy events

Walpurgisnight
Wacken
being at roleplay conventions

waking up with the feeling to know what to do next year

day 11: 4 capitals of people who were especially important to you during 2011

F K C J

day 12: 4 things you'd like to repeat

I don't know - I wish I would, but I'm not certain of anything right now

day 13: 4 things you're missing

the feeling of knowing someone for like ages
the warm summer nights (which weren't really existing this year tho)
tea with my flat - mate and Jasmin in the kitchen
kind of warmth in my relationships with anyone

day 14: 4 things you like about the winter

the darkness can be kind of comfortable and I like some snow - but not that rainy, stupid shit which is out there most of the time this year

day 15: 4 feelings you mostly had 2011

by reading this blog, I think the most powerful feeling has been loneliness although i'm not really that lonely - and fear

day 16: 4 partys you remember

one year flat - share community with Jane, Christine`s birthday, Falko's birthday and my own birthday of course

day 17: 4 facts

I'm pretty grown - up during this year
I love Falko, I think I'd like to stay with him forever
Therapy hasn't been so bad as I thought before
I'm gonna study Business Administration for real

day 18: 4 things you're happy about 2012

the world finally collapses?

I'll start a new field of study
I'm going to go to Wacken again
Soil sciences will finally be over - in one way or another!

day 19: 4 shitty tests

Haven't had none this year, I assume

day 20: 4 good tests

well, soil sciences went pretty great - I don't remember much of the other tests, but as I've passed them all, they'd be great..

day 21: 4 pictures which say something about 2011

day 22: 4 favorite clothes to wear 2011

ah, I don't know, some warm and dry ones would be alright here

day 23: 4 acts about summer

summer? where? no, actually it was very rainy, very cold but weather was okay the weekends i spent outside..

day 24: A wish which is really important to you

 I want to stay healthy in 2012!

day 25: 4 favorite words

awesome

suit up

day 26: 4 facts about christmas 2011

it was a happy christmas

there were no fights

i even wasn't that annoyed by my brother

presents were rare but nice

day 27: 4 pieces of jewellery

 i don't have any - so?

day 28: 4 things you couldn't live without

Ipod, Books, Pen&Paper

day 29: 4 things reminding you of New Year's Eve 2010/2011

campfire

lots to eat

sing along with songs i don't even know

melancholy

day 30: 4 words to describe 2011

wet

interesting

very long

exhausting

day 31: 4 intentions for 2012

I want to find a job

I want to be brave - tell people "No" when I don't wanna do something and talk about my problems with the people causing them

I'd like to stay healthy

I'll fight like a lioness for my relationship with Falko because it's the third year and he said relationships tend to break in the third year!

Screw that..

As nobody reads this here anyway, this blog is closed now.

Aww..

Hello again..
so, I just realized I had made a promise and I broke it again. Damn me.

Well, I spent two nice days on a cruise to Norway and back and I felt really relaxed on that ship - just to feel more stressed and worn out now that I'm back. I'm so fucked up - I can't stop hating my neighbor, I can't stop fearing the workload I have to do this semester and I just can't help myself from feeling lonely when realizing that Falko meets other people and will spend 4 days on a goddamn LAN Party to play computer games and do silly stuff.

Well, it's the 9th of December, so there are 9 things to write about (this "countdown stuff")..

day 01: 4 songs which remind you of 2011

Knorkator - Alter Mann
Edguy - Trinidad
Die Happy - Sleeping time
Blind Guardian - The Bard's Song

day 02: 4 people you got to know this year

Yvonne, Braunsäckchen, Vivi, Jakob

day 03: 4 special events
 

taking part in role-play convention, winning a trip to Oslo, dancing with Falko on the "Uniball" and my first time in the Gothic Night at Ela

day 04: 4 sad moments

uh oh, I think there were more as 4 this year, at least when I read my blog, it seems like that - uhm, but I can't name special ones.. maybe being a bit lonely on role-play convention without Falko was one very sad moment..

day 05: 4 places you spent most of your time in 2011

Falko's apartment, university, at home, in the park

day 06: 4 things, you'd wish to undo

inviting Jasmin to join the pen & paper group

visiting "Kiel's longest Night"
go on excursions with Jasmin

..I don't know..

day 07: 4 wishes for Christmas

I'd like to stay healthy and happy. Apart of that, everything related to True Blood :D

day 08: 4 things you're currently happy about

My room looks a lot more than my home now.
My boys are cute and healthy.

Falko loves me.
I have the best flat - mate anyone can ever have.

day 09: 4 things you're currently angry about

Jasmin - basically, her.
Soil sciences - because I spend a lot more time trying to figure it out and learn it then I should be.
Putin - it's not a democracy if nobody is able to say what one thinks without being arrested.

Christmas - because it is stressful!

I'm terrible in writing blogs

Hello everyone,

I guess that no one reads this anymore as I rarely find the time to sit down and write another text about my boring life and how terrible everything is etc.
Well, if someone is still reading this, I have an announcement for you:
On the 1st of December, I'll try something new: I'll start with a countdown to 2012 and post a piece of my life everyday.
Things like "Which is the song of the year 2011?" or "4 things you are happy about at the moment" will be uncovered. So stay tuned and have a nice time!

No picture today, I want to go to bed.

It's been a while...

Hello again,

so, my tooth got infected after extracting it as well and it hurt for like 2 weeks or so after the extraction - I think I've never have been crying so much than back then. My only food were painkiller and water because everything else hurt so badly. I've gone rid of 4kg of weight - but don't worry, they're already back as I enjoy life much more since then. You only know what you have when you don't have it anymore, right?

So, my birthday celebration was very, very nice. I've only invited a few friends to have a little sit together and be able to talk to everyone and all my friends liked each other which was one of my biggest worries. Seems like I've finally chosen my perfect group of people who like me. I'm very proud of them and I'm so happy that I'm allowed to love them.

My rats were very sweet during the celebration. They sat at the doors of their cage and looked at my guests and snuffled for the smells of them. Everyone was like: "Wow, how sweet they are!!!" and of course I had to stop them from inserting their fingers through the doors because my rats try to bite than.
Rumo still has this strange wheeze sometimes but the doctor wasn't able to find anything which could cause something like that. He's so sprightly and cheeky though that I'm not really worried about him mostly. Sam makes me worry because he seems to be a little bit more tired than he should be from time to time. Maybe it's just the warmth during summer and now the fall.

Trees are so colorful over here. I love this time of the year and all these different colors nature shows to us. Well, at least, sun is shining at the moment so that's why I can say I love autumn. I think I will be depressed during winter time again. That's not that good at all as I don't want to go back into therapy. Hopefully, I won't need to - keep your fingers crossed for me!

Oh, picture, yeah..

The tooth of wisdom.. or else

Today, there were 3 wisdom tooth extracted out of my mouth.
I'm made out of pain. My mouth hurts so badly, I feel like I can't even talk properly.

It all started on Thursday, when my wisdom tooth in the lower left tooth row began to hurt. At first, I thought everything would be alright on Friday morning, but it wasn't. I've hardly slept and went to the doctor in the early morning. He told me that it was badly infected and I'm taking some antibiotics since then. And today was the "great day" of getting rid of that shitty tooth. I decided to get the last 3 I have extracted so I can be done with that. It was such a fucking bad feeling when he worked in my mouth and since the numbness is over, my mouth just hurts. I know that it is only temporary and stuff, but I'd like to eat a real dinner which is a thing I haven't done since last Wednesday.
And I'm so afraid of injections now as I almost blacked out at the doctors when he gave me this anesthesia, although it was only a local one. Hopefully, I'll never have to get a real injection to black out and get operated.

My thoughts are with you, Kate!

Oh, and did I already mention it's fall? There's the storm, the rain, the everything - and it's too goddamn cold outside for September..